For those of you who don’t know Samantha Fraser, she is an author, educator and life/relationship coach  from Toronto. She shares her open marriage experiences & lessons on her blog, “Not Your Mothers Playground” and is currently finishing up her book “Not Your Mother’s Playground: Open Relationships for Everyday Folk”. She loves giving people insight into their own relationships by discussing taboo subjects openly, with wit and a side of naughty, personal experience.

I absolutely love reading Samantha’s blog.  It blows my mind on a regular basis and challenges my somewhat traditional ways of thinking in regards to relationships.   She makes it clear that her lifestyle isn’t the only lifestyle:

“This blog is not meant as an instruction manual for your life. There may be ideas in here that you agree with, and some you find preposterous. Isn’t that the beauty of the world we live in?”

Samantha Fraser

Recently, I had the opportunity to ask Sam a few questions about her lifestyle choices and her beliefs around polyamory/non-monogamy.

First of all, for those who have never read your blog, can you give us a brief overview of your non-monogamous relationship?

My husband and I live a pretty normal, married life. We are very much a team and support each other in everything we do. We spend a lot of time together, make sure to have date nights between us and take care of each other. Date nights with other people are scheduled around our calendar and the people that we are seeing range in closeness from casual friend with benefits to full on love relationship. Usually I have more going on than he does because he prefers to keep things simple and I seem to embrace complication. My relationships are generally more emotional while his are more physical though he still does care greatly for the people that he sees. As I love more than one, it would appear that I am polyamorous, meaning that I have many loves, where he is more non-monogamous, meaning that he doesn’t practice traditional monogamy.

Before you and your husband were married, did you ever discuss or imagine you would have an open relationship?

We had discussions about swinging and attending the sex clubs in Toronto, especially when the new laws came into effect making them legal. We never went through with it though, save for a few spin the bottle parties. We never even used the word monogamy, never mind non-monogamy before opening up.

Have you and your husband set any concrete rules when it comes to dating others?

We’ve had different rules over the years. We find that rule change depending on the people we’re dating, what’s going on with our lives at that moment and how comfortable we are with any situation. For the most part there are some standard rules like safe sex, no (or rarely) sleeping with someone you’ve just met. Everything else is adjusted as we go.

When you begin seeing a new person, do you tell them you are married?

I always tell people that I’m married and that it’s open. I would never want to enter any relationship that wasn’t completely on the up and up. It would not be fair to anyone involved.

Do you ever contemplate or second-guess your lifestyle choice?  For example, have you ever wondered if living a more “mainstream” lifestyle would be less stressful on your relationships?

Being in an open marriage is definitely stressful and I’ve gone through the emotional ringer more than once in the past 4 years but the benefits that it has given to the both of us have been overwhelming. We’ve discovered who we are as individuals, as a couple, as lovers and as friends. We’ve met some amazing people and experienced things that many people only dream of. Sure, some of it comes with getting older, but I give opening up a lot of credit in our life being fantastic so I will take the stress as a minor roadblock on the way.

How do you deal with people who question your decisions to have an open relationship with your husband?

I direct them to my blog, tell them we’re ridiculously happy and don’t bother engaging any further than that. To each their own. This works for me, I’m not telling you it will work for you, but I will tell how it can if you choose to pursue it.

How has twitter (and other social media sites) influenced you in regards to dating and finding others who are experimenting with alternative relationships?

I’ve dated people that I’ve met on Twitter and actually 95% of the people I meet / date I find online. Twitter has been great at helping me reach a broader non-monogamy / kink / polyamory community which has been wonderful while writing my book and exploring my own journey.

I notice you are hosting a conference on modern sexuality & relationships called “Playground”, happening in Toronto on November 5-6, 2011.  Is this conference open to anybody?  What topics do you plan to cover?

I’m planning on making Playground an inclusive event, not closed off to any communities. The topics are still being worked out but there will be a wide range of things covered from kink to dating to sex while in long term relationships and so on. There will also be workshops! It’s going to be a blast.

**Note: For more info, follow @playgroundconf on twitter or check out Playgroundconf.com

What’s next for you and “Not Your Mother’s Playground” ? Where do you see yourself in a few years from now?

Well, my book will be published and hopefully people will buy it. I’d like to say that I see myself doing a lot more relationship coaching, speaking engagement and sex/relationship education but who knows!

Whatever she ends up doing, I have no doubt she will be successful.  Her captivating style of writing and talent to challenge the status quo is truly incredible. Keep up with Samantha Fraser on her blog or on twitter @nympsam